Queen of Swords: And Other Goth Girl Dreams

In the spirit of “goth girl” / torrid love girl / it’s a full moon / witch-craft, I give you my “tarot poem” from my “tarot of the witches” deck, the deck used in a 70’s James Bond film. I got this deck from an older friend a long time ago and I’m pretty positive it’s been around since the 70s. Sacred shit! I asked for guidance about my <3<3<3 life cuz what else does one worry about!?! And the results were funny, at least to me! Oh and it’s all dedicated to one of favorites, whose at the bottom of this mess. Facebook has described her as an anarcho-wiccan psychomaterialist ecobuddhist liberation army.

1. The Present. 9 of Wands. The fist, which is a symbol of power and the divine in Enochian Magick, which is what Aleister and many other fraternal orders across the centuries have practiced. Keyword: men! Hidden enemies. Strength. Confrontation. Much difficulty! Yes!!!! I’ve been drinking too much and have been an emotional mess for months… which is sooo cute! No wonder he hates you. You are crazy and out of control.

2. Immediate Influence. The Chariot. Knight with a shield riding a chariot pulled by two horses. Immediately thought of the horse from the dream + fly poem, the fact he’s a Sagittarius, never connected the two of them… barf! His shield hosts a snake. He has a star on his cheek and is beneath the moon. Quite cosmic. He is also covered in suns. The knight riding through darkness, radiating light… he is a symbol of inner strength and not of upheaval! Do I gotta do daily mantras of “you are strong?! you are capable?! you will be okay?!” Does this mean I need to keep the head held high?! And focus on work? War! Vengence! Difficulty! Trouble! Turmoil! Perplexity. Triumph. Indecision. Failure. Rushing into decisions. Outside factors. Defeat. Voyage. Escaping chaos. Fleeing from reality. Something tells me this card is also all about and very much representing him… where ever he is.

3. Goal or Destiny. The tower. It’s being struck by lightning, destiny, with the sun and moon in the sky. Maybe I need to balance my day/night more!? The top is crumbling and it’s cloudy as fuck, awful black clouds!!! The trees are leafless. Doesn’t seem like the greatest fate. Should I stop my “loving” side?! Maybe it needs to be revamped?! Is that always the answer??? Am I insane??? Probably just two intense a person….. change. Disruption. Calamity. Misery. Deception. Unexpected event. Ruin. Termination. Bankrupcy. Events left behind. Breaking down of old beliefs. Abandonment of past relationships. Breakthrough into new areas…. Okay… fuck boys! You’re single bitch…. Ride or die bitch…. You really just are a wild ho.

4. Distant Past Foundations. Seven of Swords (first read as 7 of batons accidently). More batons! My past is really still probably two influential on me!!!! Time to evolve… I need to forget all the familial mooshy bullshit and just be me. The image is a foot with wings over the Achilles heal. Our fuck ups are what will allow us to fly?! Our weaknesses as strength: go new age bullshit! Go! The foot is hovering above a volcano in a circle. Sun / moon both there! Success! Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself?! Celebrate the weirdo I am?! In all my complexities… I love myself and my friends and family… #everything Gain! Surmountable obstacles. Advantage… overcoming challenges… OMG OMG OMG I just realized it’s a 7 of swords!!! Which changes everything, obviously!!! Attempt. New plans. Hope. Confidence. Wish. Efforts. I feel like I wanna moosh both of the meanings together!!! I feel like I’ve moved through all the readings stages and do finally feel good about our relationship! It’s come full circle. My visit home was splendid! Maybe I just need to give him time, it’s all I can do, obviously, but like maybe I should just hope he’s fine and float on. It’s just weird as knowing that he’s somewhere within walking distance most likely and that we cannot even say hi is like so weird for it to have become. We shared so much together… I just don’t get it! But that’s not my privilege, obviously!!! Since he doesn’t want me to be involved in his life. Hate is real!

5. Recent past. Queen of Swords. Obviously! She has her sword out!! And she’s wearing all pink and it’s me!! It’s definitely me!! She even has a mane and a crown on and her blue eyeliner/mascara is everything. Fierce (hate that word but she is undeniable) You’ve been definitely fighting! He knows you loved him. It wasn’t what he wanted. Move on! Quick witted. Keen. Possible sadness. Loneliness. Privation. Seperation. Mourning. Deep!!! Definitely me. Making this my facebook profile pic. She is such a mystical witch warrior.

6. Future influence. 8 of stars. Eight stars with an eye open in the center of a circle, it’s blue. There is a fire above it and mountains/water below. 3rd eye obviously. Use it more! It’s really the coins/diamond card but I prefer to call it stars cuz I’m into glow stars. Money!! Definitely need to make that more of the priority. Concentrate on work. And the card is all about it. Apprenticeship. Preliminary learning. Craftsmanship. Frankness. Personal effort. Keep trying / growing. Evolving… blah blah blah!!!

7. The Questioner. 2 of swords. Lots of swords. This is war, honey and there is a flying foot again!! That’s the past in your self?! “2”. The past merging with the present. Two swords crossed. Stalemate. Offsetting factors – all the craziness of Chelsea! Harmony. Firmness: hella horny… Accord. Balanced force. Wanting what I can’t have: reconciliation.

8. Environmental Factors. The Empress. We both are definitely her… maybe two queens is too much! Quote of the rest of your life! Action. Development. Progress. Fruitfulness. Fertility. Attainment. Accomplishment. Marriage. Mother. Sister. Wife. Feminine influence. Subterfuge. Tears. Female guiles. Harrassment. Spendthrift. Nagging. Practical. Decisive. All qualities he saw/hated in you!! He hates you. The empress holds the world.

9. Inner Emotions. 4 of cups. Heart is in the center, obviously! There is an arrow through it. Obviously! It’s pink. Weariness. Aversion. Disgust. Disdain. Bitter experience. Yep! Yep! Yep! Why do I miss it?! Ummm cuz I’m totally batshit crazy like T-boz. You don’t deserve arrows shot through the beautiful organ! You deserve to be treated well / cherished. What you went through wasn’t “it”… fuck “it!” 😉

10. Culmination. The Hermit. Obviously! He’s on an island beneath the moon with a bird on his shoulder and a diary in his hand with a quill feather (prolly from the bird). Sage burns next to him. It’s fucking you, honey! You! You! You! He’s beneath the moon and all… Get used to it! And love it! He looks perplexed cuz he’s prolly so fucking lonely. Whatever! Prudence. Withdrawal. Circumspection. Caution. Solicitude. Loner. Insensitive. Expressionless. Misleading. Misguiding. Regression. Recession. Failure to face facts. Tendency to withhold emotion. Fearful of discovery. I feel like this is a list to avoid. Maybe that’s what I’m gonna amount to: someone to avoid or I need to swiftly undo the parts of me which will enhance that probability?! Aka self care / self improvement. Time to go to the gym, bitch! And fucking please to fucking god get a job!!! Work work work!!! Hermit!

I leave you with the words of one of my all time favorite witches / spiritual healers / and all around bad-ass!!! I cannot believe these words were ever used in reference to her. We are surrounded by WAR!!! Never forget that!!! Get out your healing crystals!!!